She Was My Destiny
by TheAngelOfTimeDeducesMyHead
Summary: The Doctor misses Clara. He lost her after the Time War and he's trying to heal. He'll fall in love again but he will always love Clara more than anyone else. What will he do when he finds her again? Second in the Destiny series.
1. Roses and Guilt

**A/N: Hillo Whovians! This is the second story in the Destiny series. The first is The Start of Our Destiny so you should read that one first!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who or the characters blah blah etc.  
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**ENJOY!**

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Chapter One: Roses and Guilt

How is it I left the love of my life trapped and I can't reach her? I love her and I left her to die and if she doesn't die she'll be trapped in the same second forever. I can't believe I did that to her.

Now I have Rose and I think I'm falling for her but I know I can't because I. Love. Clara. I feel guilty for loving Rose because I love Clara. I really, really do love Clara and I was always saying to her that I'm the one who doesn't deserve her and I didn't think I would ever love anyone else. Now I'm falling for Rose and I feel so much guilt that it hurts.

Clara is gone and no one will ever take her place. Rose just found a new place and opened me up after the war. I miss Clara so much. She taught me so many things and helped me see the universe anew. Rose helped me after the war, after Clara, to keep on living my life day after day.

When I first met Rose I was about to blow up a shop, and myself with it. There was just something about Rose that reminded me of Clara that I just couldn't kill myself. She reminded me of Clara with her compassion for others.

I took her to the explosion of the Earth's sun. So many people died and when Cassandra was creaking she wanted me to help her. Clara would have done the same thing. I was still closed off then. I just let Cassandra die. We went out for chips after that.

We ended up in Victorian Cardiff. I meant to take her to Leadworth but the navigation system is still a mess. Clara always said it was more fun that way. You never know where you're going to end up. Rose felt sorry for the Gelth and wanted to let them take the bodies. I, of course, knew there was something wrong with the Gelth. They were in the Time War. You don't come out of the Time War unscathed. She even helped Charles Dickens see the world differently.

She wanted to go home to see her mum. The navigation decided to take us a year later. Everyone thought she was missing, or that her boyfriend Mickey killed her.

The Slitheen wanted to turn the Earth into fuel. I knew I could save the Earth but lose her and I didn't want to lose another person I love. She didn't care though. She was willing to risk her life to save the world.

In 2012 I thought my world was coming crashing down on me. I thought I had saved the universe from their terror but they just keep coming back to haunt me. They're just a reminder that I left the love of my life trapped in a war that I thought was finished. This Dalek was the last of its kind just as I am the last of mine. Rose didn't know the full extent of its evil—and why would she? She touched it and it used the time energy to heal itself. It killed many people that day. Rose decided to bring Adam, the boy from the museum the Dalek was kept in, with us.

Adam didn't stay with us for long. To be honest I was jealous of him. I loved Rose and I was too much of a coward to tell her. I was getting over losing Clara. I know it sounds wrong but I will always love Clara there's no doubt about that, but I was falling in love with someone else.

We took Adam home after that adventure. Left him with a door in his head but that's what he gets for getting the door installed anyway.

Rose asked me if I could take her to see her dad when he was still alive. Now me being me I want to do everything in my power to make her happy. I did that with Clara too, you want the person you love to be happy and you want to be the reason they're happy.

I took her back, of course, but I didn't know that she was planning on saving her dad from death. I let myself be killed for her. For me it was only a second, but when I came back, I knew her father had run in front of the car that was originally supposed to kill him. I told her to run to her dad. That's what she wanted to do in the first place, run to her dad while he was dying and be there for him. I knew then that I had completely fallen for her. I was willing to do anything for her.

We chased this capsule through time and space. I remember doing this with Clara. Clara and I chased all the things we could find across the galaxies and constellations.

The capsule landed in WW2 in the middle of the London Blitz. There were gasmask zombies trying to "heal" the planet when in reality they were just making everything worse.

Met a man called Captain Jack Harkness and thanks to his self-cleaning con it was his fault the Earth was in danger of having a zombie apocalypse. Captain Jack was a flirt, and when I say flirt I don't mean flirts with some of the girls, I mean if it breathes he will flirt with it. He's a captain alright but captain of the Innuendo Squad. He's been a real help though.

Rose said she needed her passport and we needed to refuel the TARDIS so we stopped in Cardiff. I thought about the last time I refueled the TARDIS. Clara and I were on the rift on Apalapucia. It's beautiful on Apalapucia. Yes, it may be the second best planet to travel to, but who would want to go to the planet of the coffee shops? We had just had our daughter, Hale, and I wanted that to be the first planet she ever traveled to. Our daughter was beautiful, with my last regenerations curly hair and Clara's green eyes, absolutely beautiful.

I kept telling Rose she doesn't need her passport but I just think she wanted an excuse to see Mickey again. I'm jealous of Mickey I know, but he's Rose's boyfriend and I don't want to admit it but I love Rose Tyler. She will never be Clara but I still love Rose. I don't feel guilty anymore about falling for Rose. I think Clara would want me to fall in love again and be happy. That's the only thing she ever wanted, for me to be happy.

Margret the Slitheen came back. She was the mayor of Cardiff. We had to stop her. She about ripped the world apart but since the TARDIS is sentient she was able to revert Margret the Slitheen back into an egg. Most people forget that a TARDIS is sentient, but Clara never did. I would catch her sometimes carrying on conversations with the old box. She never knew I was there but most the conversations were about how she thought she still wasn't good enough for me. I would always tell her differently but she still thought she would never be good enough.

We were coming back from taking Margret to the hatchery on Raxacoricofallapatorious and were on our way to Kyoto in 1336 when a transmit beam came through the TARDIS. I knew there was something wrong then. Clara always said that a TARDIS was the strongest thing in the universe, so for a transmit beam to make its way into my ship well, someone really wanted me out of my ship.

I ended up in a Big Brother house, Rose in Weakest Link, and Jack was in What Not to Wear. These games were killer. I thought Rose was dead and when I found out she was alive I was ecstatic. I had only ever been ecstatic one time before and that's when Clara told me she loved me. I don't think I'll ever feel that happy again but I was still happy to know that Rose was alive. Then we found out that Rose was on a Dalek ship.

These Daleks weren't pure. They were made from the dead of humanity and loathed their own existence. I had a plan to destroy them, but destroying them meant that I would also destroy all life on Earth.

I sent Rose back home. I knew I was going to die. Maybe it was time to die, and maybe if I died I would see my Clara again. Oh God, I just miss her so much. I love Rose but she will never be Clara. I just wish I could see my Clara at least one last time.

I hear the TARDIS but I sent Rose home so, how? There it is, my TARDIS – but how? The doors open and Rose is surrounded by a golden light, the Time Vortex. I had to take it out of her. I kissed her and took it out of her; then I put it back into the TARDIS. She passed out and I brought her into the TARDIS. She doesn't remember a thing. I had to leave Jack behind too. Rose brought him back to life, but permanently.

I look down at my hand and the regeneration energy flowing through me. It's time. I start to regenerate and, like always, I think of Clara. She always wanted to see me after I regenerated each time but she never got to. I had seen most of her regenerations except her fifth one, I was gone during that one. I love Clara so much and I will never love anyone else like I love her. I love Rose and not even Rose can compare to Clara.

I wish Clara could see this new me. New teeth, new hair that I wish Clara would be able to run her fingers through. I have Rose and I love Rose but will never ever be Clara no matter what. Rose is wonderful, but Clara, she was my destiny. She will always be my destiny.


	2. New Me Without Her

**A/N: Hillo my lovelys! My laptop decided to actually work so I fixed this chapter and now y'all (shut up I'm from the south) can read the original format. This definitely looks better than it did when I posted it from my phone. I also added a few words at the end that didn't get to my phone. Stupid Image-to-Text app not working out all of my fanfic. If you haven't read this chapter then enjoy! **

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN DOCTOR WHO or the characters blah blah blah etc**

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Chapter Two: New Me Without Her

After I regenerated I tried to get Rose home. I think I got her home. All I remember is that I passed out.

I dreamt about Clara. I dreamt she was still alive. I dreamt she was still with me and that we had our daughter. That we were happy and together, forever and always just like we said. I didn't ever want that dream to end, but like everything else, everything has its time.

I woke up to Rose waking me up to save her and her family. Why is it I never have good Christmases?

I had to sleep after that. My mind was killing me. I hate when things go wrong with my regenerations. It's not the first time that's ever happened. I was glad to be able to go to sleep though. I could dream again.

I woke up again to the Sycorax and blood control. Last time I saw blood control I had to save Clara. I knew nothing bad would happen to her, cheap bit of voodoo blood control, but I loved her so much I didn't even want her to be scared.

Saved the world again, then I took Rose to New New York on New Earth. Yes, the mighty city state of New New York. Not as wonderful as the last time I was here but I think Clara's presence had something to do with that last time.

Saw Cassandra again. She took over Rose's mind, kissed me, and then had the bright idea to release the deathly ill out of their ward. All I wanted to do there was check on the Face of Boe.

I meant to take Rose to 1979, but we ended up in 1879, same difference. Met Queen Victoria, she was a lovely woman. The werewolf wasn't quite as lovely as the Queen but hey, what can you do? It's a werewolf for god's sake! I think Victoria was bitten because that would explain a lot about her blood line.

Sarah Jane Smith! Now she is someone I missed. I haven't seen her in years! She had K-9 with her too, I love that dog. I haven't seen Sarah since my fourth regeneration. Clara loved my smile in that one.

I had to be the physics teacher at a school, Rose was a dinner lady. The headmaster was the leader of some Krillitanes. I kept on wanting him to be a librarian for some reason and I don't know why. Clara would have just stared at me like I was crazy and then just smiled because I am crazy. We stopped him from cracking the Skasis Paradigm. I really didn't want the universe to be created by him. Rose wanted Mickey to come with us after that.

I met Madame Depompadour! I snogged her too. Clockwork monsters wanted her brain for their ship. Those things were so thick. I mean anyone in their right mind would know that I don't drink; even Mickey knows I don't drink.

We ended up in a parallel universe. It's kind of my fault. If Clara was with us I know that would never happen.

I should have known about the Cybermen. We had been hearing the name _Cybus_ Industries all day. These Cybermen were started on the parallel Earth. Sometimes I feel pity for the Cybermen. Ordinary and innocent people were taken from their homes and turned into monsters.

Mickey stayed behind in the parallel world. Rose was so heartbroken about him leaving. I can understand how that feels. When I had to leave Clara behind, I thought my whole world was falling apart. I thought I couldn't continue on without her. I was going to kill myself in that department store. I was going to let myself be burnt alive and I was going to let myself suffer for I felt like I deserved pain. Then Rose came along and she started to fix me.

I meant to take Rose to New York to see Elvis, but the TARDIS being well… the TARDIS that didn't work out. You would know that we would land somewhere I didn't mean for us to land. Still, we got to stay for the coronation. Yes, there were some bumps in the road with the Wire and Rose being faceless.

The bitter pill, yeah, that's a really lovely name for a planet. And humans! You come toward whatever is intriguing even if it can kill you! The more beautiful or mysterious something is you go right for it and you don't care if it can kill you. Humans will never cease to amaze me. There was always something about you that Clara loved though, and that made me love them too.

I wasn't letting Zach go down there with Ida. A captain never leaves his ship. I went down. I thought we would never come back up when that line broke. Might as well do something so why not descend into the pit?

I had a chance to tell Rose how I felt. I didn't take it. It's not like when I told Clara I loved her. I knew Clara was going to be with me, well at the time I thought that, but I still have hope I'll see her again someday. Maybe in two hundred days maybe into two hundred years; I'll wait the rest of my life for her.

I'm glad I was able to make it back to Rose. Maybe I'll be able to tell her one day.

Elton was a lovely lad. I feel bad about his mother but I couldn't help her we were too late. All he wanted was to find out who I was and because of that he lost all he cared about. Sometimes I wonder if I chose the name "Doctor" wisely. Sometimes I feel like I'm fire and all I do is destroy and burn those who get too close.

2012! I feel like this year is going to be very important in my future. Oh well, I'll find out when the time comes.

The London Olympics! I love the games. Taking Rose there was probably a very good idea. Well, it would have been a good idea had the Isolus not taken over a child and tried to take the Earth. I can sympathize with it though. It was lonely and far from its family; that's me in a nutshell. I got to carry the torch though.

I should have known the Torchwood Institute would have been idiots. "Oh, look! A shattered universe because of ghosts! Well, let's just keep the ghost coming and shatter the universe even more!" The ghost weren't even ghosts they were Cybermen!

The Void Ship had the Daleks hiding inside and the Cybermen were coming across from the parallel universe—what could possibly go wrong?! I'll tell you what went wrong. Rose got stuck in another universe when we were trying to close the void and trap the Cybermen and Daleks inside.

She told me she loved me. On that beach in the parallel universe she told me she loved me. I thought back to when Clara told me she loved me. I tried to tell Rose i love her too but the image of me faded from the universe before I ever got to tell her.

That's when I looked up and saw the ginger standing in my TARDIS.


	3. Rebound

**A/N: Hello my lovelys! New chapter yay! Warning to Rose lovers! I kinda broke my own hearts somehow but there might be slight Rose bashing. I thought it was and I wrote it and I love Rose! I honestly don't know how I ended up doing it bit when I start writing whatever comes out of of this mind is what comes out. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or its characters blah blah blah etc. **

**ENJOY!**

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Chapter Three: Rebound

Donna Noble. She may not think so, but I think one day the universe will really need her one day. Sometimes she just doesn't see the big picture. She has it rough though. The man she was supposed to marry felt no love towards her and she was so head over heels in love with him she didn't want anything he said to be true.

She landed in the TARDIS and thought it was a prank… a prank on her wedding day. I don't even know why someone would do that. A wedding is special you don't try to mess it up! If anyone tried to pull something on me or Clara the day we got married I would not be happy. Well, really if anything happened to Clara I would not be happy.

I thought all of the Racnoss were extinct, but I was wrong. The Empress was still alive and Lance, who Donna was going to marry, was basically her courtesan! Sometimes I wonder what how far humans are willing to go to be able to travel amongst the stars.

I was a little sad when Donna said she didn't want to come with me. Maybe one day I'll see her again and she'll come with me then.

Martha Jones. Now she is brilliant. Logical, forward thinking, compassionate, she's just absolutely brilliant. I think she fancies me. Okay maybe not think, I know she fancies me. I don't really know if I want her traveling with me but she saved a hospital from Judoon I'll let her have this one.

Now Shakespeare really is brilliant. The first place that Clara and I traveled back to was to see Shakespeare. Clara just adored him. We would sit cuddled up in the library and I would read her Midsummer Night's Dream or Romeo and Juliet. I liked Shakespeare too. If he can't find the word he wants he just makes one up and that kind of helps when you're trying to trap Caryonites for the rest of eternity.

I took Martha to New New York. I heard her say something about being a rebound. Honestly I think Rose was sort of a rebound. I lost Clara and was fresh out of the War and everything was different. I was alone and guilt-ridden and hated myself. Rose really was like Clara.

Martha was kidnapped; I had to save her. New New York has changed a lot since the last time I was here. The last time Rose was kind of kidnapped but still, everything was just eerily quiet. I found out why though. Humans and chemicals, nothing ever changes.

Poor Novice Hame, the Face of Boe finally passed and she was left to run a city-state without the one who kept her company for the past twenty-four years.

We went to the actual New York after that, the scenic route. I took Clara there once too. She said, "I've seen New New New New New New New New New New New New New New New New York now I want to see the original thing, the thing that started it all." What she said next will always confuse me: "Sometimes I feel like I'm not the original. Sometimes it feels like I have another person's memories and I'm just a copy, an echo of what was real." Her statement has baffled me ever since and I try to think it through but there's nothing in my mind that connects. It's like it doesn't want me to connect things about her together.

Of course, the Cult of Skaro being there was a bit of a surprise. Capturing humans for experimentation, they're still as sick as ever. Then they try to put Dalekanium on the Empire State Building so they can use the gamma rays of a solar wave. I got in the way though.

I took Martha home after that. Right in time for Professor Lazarus to change what it means to be human. I left but then I thought about what Lazarus said and curiosity got the better of me.

Changed his DNA, that's what Lazarus did, in an attempt to live longer; but in changing his DNA, he released the monster that was hidden away and trapped just waiting to be released.

Martha came with me after all that. Clara would have been proud. I'm growing and healing. The experience of war made me stronger.  
We landed on a ship that was sending out a distress signal. We helped them but while helping them Martha was almost sent into the sun they were crashing into and I had the sun inside me, literally inside me.  
The Family of Blood was chasing us through time. I had to become human. I gave up who I was. The real me was stuck inside a fob watch safe, safe and sound.

I thought about Clara when I was human. I thought about her a lot actually. I didn't know who she was or why I even thought about her. To the human me, John Smith, she was a figment of my imagination; but even then I knew she couldn't be because you don't feel love for something you made up.

We stopped the family, I became me again. I broke someone's heart though.

1969 is nice when you have a way of getting out. Martha and I were stuck there for a bit. Thank some deity for Sally Sparrow.  
The end of the universe, the humans basically the only species left in existence. Professor Yana was a genius. Now, me being me I like it when there's another genius, but I didn't think of the possibility he wasn't human.

The Master had a fob watch. Things happened to the Master that made him sadistic and psychotic. Most think he became that way when he looked into time itself.

When we were little, just beginning to understand everything, Clara; the Master; and I were best friends. He would always make fun of me because he knew I had a crush on Clara. Clara was younger than us by a few hundred years but we were still all best friends. We did everything together. After awhile the Master started to change. He lost his mind.

At the age of eight, a Time Lord is taken to the Untempered Schism, it's a gap in the fabric of reality where you can see into the Time Vortex. Most think that's where the Master started to go insane until one day he just finally lost it.

He kidnapped me and made me age. He kidnapped Jack and God knows what the Master did to him. Martha escaped, but in doing so she left behind her family and walked the earth for a year.

I think I cause too much pain sometimes. I really am like fire, stand to close and people get burnt. It happened to Clara and our family. It happened to my whole planet. All the people who travel with me. I think Martha figured this out too. She left to help her family. She just had to get away. I understood, of course.

Then a big ship crashed into my TARDIS.


End file.
